How Red Lipstick Has Led Me To Truly Trust My Intuition
Guest Post by: Katarzyna Stomska
Hey. I am Kat, and I am so grateful to be able to share my journey to discovering a unusual power of no other than RED LIPSTICK.
What unusual power you ask? Let me explain....
As a narcissistic abuse survivor I was NEVER allowed to wear makeup. Every attempt to purchase any beauty products or being gifted something, were met with unbearable mental abuse, constant tears and often fear of surviving to the next day.
I might have never been a huge make up fan, but like most survivors I longed to look beautiful and needed something to cover up bruising….
In 2012 I finally gained the courage to escape the covert narcissist, who not only was the father of my children, but also my husband at the time
Living over 5 years in a survival mode, I felt lost, depressed and traumatized beyond anything I have ever known.
I had to learn not only how to embrace my new found freedom, but also to love and accept myself unconditionally.
I have tried countless ways to stop being scared of being on my own - reading loads of books and I remember the very first time I was able to go shopping for items so many of us take for granted and believe are mundane.
That shopping trip included getting the brightest red lipstick I could find at the time
Little did I know that this red lipstick will change my life forever.
I remember being scared to look in the mirror, crying, remembering all the phrases being thrown at me until all I could do was pass out and sleep
These phrases included- “You are worthless," “You are ugly," “without me no one will ever love You."
I began to write on the only mirror I had - until there was literally no space and then spend hours cleaning it until it was sparkling- so I could use it again.
Somehow it ended up being therapeutic and I have noticed changes in the way I reacted to anything triggering related to the covert narcissist and his actions.
It wasn't until 2017, 5 years later, when I was finally ready to look in the mirror and see the woman I always longed to be. A woman who no longer felt like a victim but a warrior and survivor. A woman who started to pay herself compliments and who slowly began to love herself a little bit more.
At this point You may wonder when the Intuition comes in and how it became connected to the red lipstick?
Once I started to pay myself compliments verbally I felt called to come back to the red lipstick and write words of affirmations on my mirror. The same mirror which allowed me to pour all the frustration and anger onto it for the long 5 years.
I decided that the words I will choose to write on my mirror, wouldn't be just random words.
I allowed myself to feel, putting my hands on my heart, holding myself tight every day. Some days I would only end up with one single word, other times I would have whole sentences. I have promised myself to never question what words ended up on my mirror. My only purpose was to embrace the experience.
Once I had done it for a while, I decided it was time to hang the mirror in the entrance hall to my house.
Everybody who came into my house could see it, and one day - the covert narcissist ended up at my front door.
He never came in, but because it was windy and the door opened just enough for him to look at the mirror.
He proceeded to state - “What a perfect way to pay yourself compliments”. What shocked me wasn’t his statement but my response.
I looked him in the eyes, with my head held high and replied - “I have never needed to pay myself compliments, I always knew how much I was worth, You just failed to see it.”
From that point on I realized how powerful red lipstick can be and I have carried on using it everyday since.
I have also shared my story in a collaboration book, with other survivors - where all profits go to helping domestic abuse victims in The United States. Peace over Pisces Anthology by Survivors of Abuse
I'm currently hoping to get more followers on Tiktok so that I can go live to read my poetry. I hope to see you there!
Katarzyna Stomska was born in Olsztyn (Poland) currently living in Scotland. A survivor of narcissistic abuse, who has been writing poetry for over 30 years.
A food styling enthusiast, she adores nature and gifting personal poems to those who make a positive contribution to her life.
You can check out her endeavors by following her on social media:
Thank you Katarzyna Stomska for sharing your magic! I'm always so inspired by how you flow with the universe and your intuition! Thank you for being a guest on our blog.
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